Lets catch up!

Lets catch up!
Well Ian had his eval last month at Pathfinders. It went better than ones before.  I do feel like the teachers and therapist are frustrated with me because I dont make Ian walk as much as they would like. I told them I want home to be his safe haven and I pretty much let him get around however he likes (usually scooting). For some reason he doesnt mind walking at school or at other peoples houses, but at home he does not want to walk...at all.
 
        On the 23rd Ian goes for a "booth hearing screen". We have done these before and they always were inconclusive but I think they are going to try out hearing aids too. Im not sure how thats going to work because he hates hats and anything else that touches his head or face. Im not sure if his hearing is the problem with his speech or not. He has been trying to mimick us more and he seems like he can hear when I ask him questions. Me: "Ian do you want some juice" Ian:" YEAH!" So we have conversations :).
 
Its been really hard for me to come to terms that Ian will be 3 in July. Sometimes its easy to forget his age and it just feels like I have a 1 year old. Its easy to do because he is small for his age too. Its really hard sometimes to see other kids that are his age and its like a slap in the face, sucker punch to the stomach kind of feeling. There were several people who were pregnant the same time I was with Ian and I get a whirlwind of emotion when I see their 2 year old running and jumping and playing and singing and talking and doing what most 2 year olds do. Honestly its easier to just stay in my own little world where this is our normal, and thats that. Its even hard to be around babies because little babies are starting to pass up Ian and that just really gets to me. I dont know what is in store for us four, but I trust God has a plan. The day I was driving home after the Dr basically gave me the worst news of my life, I said a prayer. First I cried and said "Why MY baby?"  but then I told God "He is my son but he is also your son and Im giving him 100% to you and I just want your will to be done" I mourned and went through a emotional process but though the whole thing I had a serene peace.....wow well I didnt think I was going to go there when I started this entry. I will try to make my next entry sooner. Thanks for reading!